- Tara Joy Larrick
Transformation Guest Post Series: Tesha Fritz from Kick Hell Out
Welcome to the Fourth Guest Post in Faith In Every Day's Transformation Series! Where other bloggers are sharing their transformations: Mind, Body and Soul in Christ! It has been such an inspiration and encouragement to hear these ladies stories!
If this is your first time reading this series make sure you check out the other transformation posts:
Krista from Growing In Grace and Beauty
Amanda from His Passion, Our Fashion
Now let me introduce Tesha who blogs over at Kick Hell Out, which is a web based ministry helping people to embrace the hope of Jesus Christ. Kicking Hell out and inviting heaven in!
Tesha's transformation is something that I related to so much and I believe that you will too!
Transformed Identity The truth is I have suffered from an identity crisis. I lost myself in relationships, in choices, in friendships, in depression, and in thoughts that were not in any way shape or form indicative of the person I really am. Sometimes I cringe to think that I may be characterized to some by those things that I did while I was taking on a fake persona. Looking back on that time in my life, the friends I had were not friends at all. They were miserable nomads, who wanted entertainment or more misery both at my expense. When I look back on the relationships that I pursued, my own well-being, interests, feelings and emotions were relentlessly played with, stepped on, beat down and abused. Yet in the delusions of my crisis, I felt that this was exactly what I deserved. My relationship with God was skewed. I took advantage of His grace repetitively and knowingly thinking that He probably didn’t love me anymore. I was convinced that what others said about me, what I thought about me, the way people treated me was much closer to the truth than anything I had ever read in a Bible. Thinking back on things, at that time I didn’t know one scripture. The clichés that came to mind when I thought about God were not even scripture, and in times of intense crisis they certainly didn’t offer much comfort. I had no clue what God thought about me, and I didn’t even know that I had any value at all. My actions reflected my thoughts, “There is no way I could be on God’s radar.” Ignorance. Ignorance robbed me of my identity. The crisis that I suffered was even worse because I was blind to God’s speaking. I had no idea that I was following a road to a fool’s paradise. I had become so masterful at disguising my emotional pain that I was known by many as happy and cheerful. I attended church every Sunday, and very rarely did anything minister to me in my sinister state. I was lost with the map in my hand. Sinking deeper and deeper into a depressive state, I wholeheartedly believed lies about myself: that I had no value, that I was stupid, that I would never be anything, that I was a coward, that I couldn’t possibly amount to anything to be proud of, that I was unloved, unwanted, and that my time on earth should be done. Lies! All lies! But in my crisis I believed every single one of them. So I went into my little room, sat there alone for a while. I located the bottle of pills that I would use to end it all. I decided that day would be the day! That in the next moments I would do the irreversible. In my mind I would be doing everyone a favor. I sat down on the floor with the bottle. I threw myself down right in front of the couch, and for the first time in my life – I conversed with the Almighty God. Only His grace could have even lead me to talk to Him. I had never truly prayed this way before, or talked in unrehearsed, non-memorized ways to Him. Tears covered my face, as I panicked. I asked in hushed whispers between sobs, “What do You want from me?” I cried out “What do You want me to do?” The answer I received clearer than anything I had ever experienced in prayer. He said, “Live for me!” I was surprised to hear Him in my heart. At that point I had no more desire for questions, no more desires to die, no more desires to follow anyone but Him. I simply said “Yes!” I invited Jesus into my heart that day, sitting on the brown shag carpet. I said yes! And I meant it! I cried in His presence for a while. I sat there with nothing left to say, but with a decision firmly made in my heart. I was no longer ignorant. I had heard from Him. For the first time in my life I felt safe and sure about my existence. I was filled with a sense that I had purpose. And even today I am brought to tears at the thought of His grace toward me! He preserved my life for a reason. I have no idea how long I was down there on that floor, but I got up. I didn’t have all the answers; I didn’t have all the questions. I couldn’t explain it all, but the difference was evident. I had tapped into God’s desires for my life and knew that I would never let go of what I had discovered about God and myself that day. I had suffered from an identity crisis, but through it I came to know simply who God is. Because I came to know Him, I have discovered so much about who I am – my worth – my value. I found the key to my true identity. As I walked closer with Him, He unlocked joy and peace and hope through His Word and His presence. Many people suffer from an identity crisis. It manifests itself in different ways, but all from the same source, not knowing Jesus Christ as personal Lord and savior. Ignorance of identity is dangerous and deadly! Perhaps this is you today. No matter where you are or what you are going through – know that He longs to hear from you. Don’t mask it. Don’t cover it up. Don’t hide it. When you get real with God, then He can be real for you. Today will be your day when you invite Him into your situation, and what once seemed hopeless becomes the key to hope!
He did it for me. He can do it for you! The day I accepted Christ was the day that my life was forever changed!
Is today your day? Let Him in! About Tesha:
Connect With Tesha On The Web
Thank you so much Tesha for sharing your story with Faith In Every Day! Make sure you all check out her coming book, "Kicking the Hell Out of Your Pain: 30 Days to Unlocking Victorious Living."